Have you been feeling shut in, Like no one and nothing can see the real you? When you don't feel you can trust yourself, those around you and the world it may be time to evaluate your window of tolerance. You may be asking 'well what does that mean'? Its a great question, because for everyone this 'window' is different, and yet there are similarities we can all feel.
Imagine a space where you feel safe to connect. This is your window. There is some space in that window- however big or small. On the high end is the high energy activities that feel safe for you. On the low end are the low energy things that feel safe for you. When getting on either end there is a caution zone where things don't feel great, but you are not in a full-blown stress response (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn). When you are in your caution zone, there may be a chance for you to turn back to safety.
Do you feel confused yet? If so, that is ok- you are not alone. Let's start by talking about what a 'high energy' activity may be for you. For one person, a high energy activity could be having dinner with a friend or two. There is social interaction, and you have to figure out what to say and is that thing you are doing with your hand normal?!? But it is ok, friend(s) love you and you know that no matter what they are not judging you and the face that you just spilled some of your drink. For someone else it may be going to a concert with thousands of people. You are dancing and singing and the stranger next to you may just be your new best friend.
Ok, let's take these same two people and see what the low energy situations may be for them. For person number one, they may thrive taking a solo camping trip for a week with no technology or connection to the outside world. They are happy to just sit by themself for hours. For our person number two, having a dinner with a good friend or two might be nearly unbearable.
Each person has a window, open to different extents. The first person enjoys lower energy activities. For the other person, they thrive in a high energy environment. Neither is better than the other. What is important is to start to understand your window. What feels comfortable for you and why? Are there ways to expand your comfort zone? Are there situations where your comfort zone shrinks? most likely the answer is yes.
That dinner mentioned a few times over may or may not be in your comfort zone depending on who is there and where the dinner is taking place. Knowing yourself will help you assess if a situation will feel good. It will also help you assess if a situation won't feel good. If it won't feel good but you want to/have to do it; what could you do to make it feel better? Wear a favorite outfit. Choose a location you enjoy. Bring something to help you cope. Plan an exit strategy. There are many things to do to help the less desirable things (those things in our caution zones) to feel better. And over time we hope to expand our window, so we can feel more control over it, vs. it controlling us.